I want to touch on my favorite subject: the secret to motivating your children. I mean we try to motivate ourselves to do the best but generally what we do is we’ll use fear by saying if you don’t do this – big punishment or we bribe them. Okay if you do this you’ll get this prize or this payment. Well it works short-term but there are consequences that we’re not aware are in the long run when we educate in this manner. How many of us would love to have a better relationship with your children? everyone of course! When talking to your children, it is usually not what you say but it is How you say it. Talk to them with kindness and a sense of understand. Your words and attitude both determines how compassionate you are, along with other cues such as tone of voice, eye contact and facial expression. Its like asking them to do something rather than shouting out orders and being pushy. Secondly, listen with empathy and put ourselves in their shoes. This will stir up our compassion for them. They will see we care and feel the sense of comfort. You can make them feel much better by just listening to them. Thirdly, respond with compassion and encouragement when they are feeling down. By showing your children how to communicate with compassion will set an example of genuine empathy. It is all really about attuning with the child and understanding their needs at that moment. We should connect with our children and engage in healthy communication. The most important thing is to make them feel safe and give them the sense of belonging.
Sometimes all your kids need is a safe space where they are open to share how they feel. You don’t necessarily have to discipline them all the time and always trying to fix every situations. For them, knowing that you are the person who they can always turn to no matter what goes wrong, is the best gift you can give them. They are not looking for your perfection but for your presence.
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